Rollespillhumor

Jeg skjønte at noen lurte på hvor ¨Gazebo¨ monsteret i munhcin hadde sin opprinnelse fra, så poster her historien om 'the dreaded gazebo'


In the early seventies, Ed Whitchurch ran "his game", and one of the participants was Eric Sorenson. Eric plays something like a computer. When he games, he methodically considers each possibility before choosing his preferred option. If given time, he will invariably pick the optimal solution. It has been known to take weeks. He is otherwise, in all respects, a superior gamer. Eric was playing a Neutral Paladin in Ed's game. He was on some lord's lands when the following exchange occurred:


ED: You see a well groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.
ERIC: A gazebo? What color is it?


ED: [pause] It's white, Eric.
ERIC: How far away is it?


ED: About 50 yards.
ERIC: How big is it?


ED: [pause] It's about 30 ft across, 15 ft high, with a pointed top.
ERIC: I use my sword to detect good on it.


ED: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo.
ERIC: [pause] I call out to it.


ED: It won't answer. It's a gazebo.
ERIC: [pause] I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?


ED: No, Eric, it's a gazebo!
ERIC: I shoot it with my bow. [roll to hit] What happened?


ED: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.
ERIC: [pause] Wasn't it wounded?


ED: OF COURSE NOT, ERIC! IT'S A GAZEBO!
ERIC: [whimper] But that was a +3 arrow!


ED: It's a gazebo, Eric, a GAZEBO! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try. It's a @#$%!! gazebo!
ERIC: [long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.] I run away.


ED: [thoroughly frustrated] It's too late. You've awakened the gazebo. It catches you and eats you.
ERIC: [reaching for his dice] Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my Paladin.



At this point, the increasingly amused fellow party members restored a modicum of order by explaining to Eric what a gazebo is. Thus ends the tale of Eric and the Dread Gazebo. It could have been worse; at least the gazebo wasn't on a grassy gnoll. Thus ends the tale of Eric and the Dread Gazebo. A little vocabulary is a dangerous thing.

De eldre Paladin orders fra tidlige D&D, men fremdels morsomt^^


Paladin's and Mercy Killings

What would a paladin do?

Paladin of Tymora: I'll flip a coin. Tails you live and head you lose yours.
Paladin of Sune: I won't kill you but if you'd like one last *wink*nod*wink* then stand at the back of the line.
Paladin of Cyric: It would be my honor. *kill* *raises as undead*
Paladin of Torm: You DARE to abandon your post? Torm strike you down coward! *kill*
Paladin of Loviatar: Hold that thought; here are some nice Orc gentlemen I wanted you to meet.
Paladin of Waukeen: What's it worth to ya?
Paladin of Mask: Well I dunno.. LOOK OVER THERE! *Backstab, rifle through coinpurse*
Paladin of Oghma: *First recites a summation of this thread, complete with cross-indexed references and legal precedences from 3 planes, citing various previous Paladins and dieties and the various and sundry means by which such an act could be accomplished and justified then stops as the orc horde falls over from boredom and blinks owlishly* "I'm sorry, what was the question again?"

Durin Ironshield of the iron hills pays a visit to the Elven King of Mirkwood.

"Sir", says Durin, "We have decided to go to war with ye."

The elven king looks incredulous, but takes war seriously. "We? Who is this we?", he says sternly.

"Well, that would be me, me brother Thorin, his son Durin, our cousins Olin and Golin, and our pop Thrain."

"My good Dwarf, I have 1100 elves at my command that can be ready to move on a moment's notice.", says the king.

"Oh.", replies Durin. "Let me get back to ye on that."

The Dwarf leaves, but returns two days later.

"Ok king, I have rounded up two more cousins and we a few axes between us all."

"Sir Dwarf, I have 300 of the finest archers around, plus my royal guards are all spellsingers, armed with swords of sharpness."

"Oh, well, I see." The Dwarf lord thinks a bit. "Let me come back to ye."

And he leaves to return again in two days.

"Ok king, we have rounded up a few more swords and I think we are ready".

"You should know my good dwarf that I have since raised the size of my elven army to 1300."

"Ah hek!", and the dwarf leaves. He comes back the next day.

"Well king, I am afraid we have to call off the war."

"I am sorry to hear that. Was it the power of my elven army to changed your mind?"

"Nah, I spoke to all my kin and we decided that we just did not have the room for 1300 prisoners."

An elven bard walks into a tavern and asks the crowd, "Who's dragon is that outside?"

An older gentleman, dressed in archmage robes stands up, and replies "Mine. Why?"

The bard somberly approaches the mage. "I regret to inform you that the halfling in our party has killed your dragon"

"What!" erupts the archmage. "Your halfling killed Rithvaeraradace. Slayer of the Elminster, Destroyer of Cormyr, Raider of Waterdeep, Ruler of the Dales, Thorn to the Gods, and Bane of all Toril! How did this happen!?"

The bard sheepishly looks at the archmage and replies "Well...the little guy got stuck in its throat!"

Moral: Always chew your food.

Five things you DON'T want your players to say:

1.Ranger wearing plate mail in a misty echoing crypt: "I try to move silently"

2.Apprentice to mage: "By the way master, I finally shot that pesky owl that kept following you around."

3.Party fighting a band of thieves in a 4x3x4m room, when the mage says, with serious tone: "Hell, I cast a fireball, THAT'll teach'em."

4.Party laying on a hillside spying on the Imperial Army of Darkness commanded by Gul the Necromancer himself (+/- 10,000 troops): "Hmmm, if we attack from the rear, do we get bonuses on our attack roll??"

5.Paladin as the lone survivor of a party of 7 facing an army of evil and undead creatures, which just slaughtered his fellow adventurers: "Huh, why should I run? I got protection from evil in a 15ft radius, THEY can't touch me" (last words).

Hi hi, snublet over noen rollespill relaterte vitser på nettet og tenkte jeg skulle poste dem her, Enjoy